«*** - Stylistically, this looked great. The cartoon masque over the saturated colors gave this an interesting visual appeal. The camerawork was pretty basic: a few two-shots, reaction shots... your basic angles for a short based entirely on one piece of dialogue. The story progressed nicely with a hint of tension leading up to its climactic ending. The dialogue made me chuckle a little, Ken of course providing the comedic edge to the film, but I could hardly hear Ben at points. (SPOILER) The ending was interesting but I found it to be weirdly over-the-top. I'm not talking about the gunshot, that was necessary and expected within the circumstances, but the script itself: the "effin' whore" bit didn't really do much for me. Sure it sounds good coming from Ken's grumpy mouth but it was just kind of out there. I can't properly explain it but overall this was a decent short. 3 stars.»
«Jake- your productions are getting better and that's a positive. The direction was well done. I'd have to agree with the others concerning some of the dialogue.
SPOILERS - The "whore" line was entirely out of place and had the feel of a required line for a competition or something. I guess I also have a little problem with the timeline of events and some logic gaps related to when the events with the wife took place and how and why these 2 people happened to be sitting talking. The true reveal virtually takes place early in the conversation when he says the wife's name. It could be argued that the bartender is playing a game of cat and mouse from that point on or more likely from a point in time before the movie starts so I guess that can be explained . I just don't know how these two wouldn't know each other given the nature the presumed small town western setting and what could have logically transpired in between the event with the wife and this conversation. Did Ben's character leave town only to return to the scene of the crime and confess to a stranger? I know you were going for a short stoary with a twist but truthfully I saw it coming. Again, I have to stress that it's a vast improvement over some of your prior videos. It's obvious you are working at it and I know I wouldn't have been able to do as well as you at this when I was your age. I think a little tightening of the story and dialogue would have gone a long way to making this production even better. »
«I had to watch this film twice (luckily it was short enough) to get a better feeling for it. The first time through I was left wondering if I liked it or not. Thus the repeat viewing. It was actually better the second time through. Maybe it was because I didn't know what to expect (the first time) that I didn't appreciate it. Not sure. Anyway...
Westerns are a rare breed these days, and it's always good to see a new one pop up. So thanks for that! I also appreciate that it was short and succinct, which is also a rarity. You managed to tell your story fairly well, without embellishing things that didn't need it. A good job there.
The story itself wasn't perfect, I'm afraid. I find it hard to accept that someone would confess to murder just to answer a question about a scar. I suppose it could be he just wanted to brag about it, or maybe he was feeling guilty and needed to confess it to someone, and preferably a stranger. Maybe. But the acting didn't convey either of those feelings to me.
The ending was OK, but I felt the bartender's performance could have been a little better, perhaps building up the tension a little as he realizes (or admits) he's talking to his wife's killer. The dialogue itself was actually pretty good, but was just let down by the voice performances (sorry guys! They weren't bad, but they weren't right, IMO.) This is where, as the director, you need to go back to your actors and give them more direction on how the piece should be performed.
Having said all that, I think the story and movie has great potential (as do you) and I look forward to what you come up with in the future as you progress as a film maker.
«A nicely done Western with appropiate camerawork and great acting. Be careful of using slang that's not appropriate to the time period. Other than that, I really didn't have any problems. I liked the twist ending, if you were going for a comedic effect then great job. If not, well, I still really like the ending, hehe. Music and sounds fit like a glove. Great job, jakechief! »
«I really enjoyed this Jake. I found it quite tense and in reality all it is, is just two guys talking to one another, and that's a sign of good writing which draws you into a story. Voice acting was good, Ken did well as did Ben. The visual look of the film is what I really liked; it had a gloomy style which fitted the film's mood perfectely. My only gripe as already mentioned is the use of 'man' and the 'whore' line. This took me out of the scene. But apart from that, great job Jake. You're becoming a very good director!
★★★★★ - 5 Stars»
they was some script problem i agree with joesph the whore dialog at the end made know sense he would have called him you bastard or somthing like that.
But jake your get better and better as a film maker work more on your script and you'll be on the right trek.
cast did a good job also nice camera work i also like the music that went with it.»
«Definitely your filmmaking and tales are becoming more sophisticated. I'm looking forward to your future productions. I hope you don't mind if I offer up some constructive criticisms regarding your latest. The dialogue, though good overall, was a bit off in a few spots; for example the old man said something like "tell me about it, man"--people didn't address each other as "man" until the 1960's. Also at the end he called the young guy a "whore"--in those days that was a term reserved only for females. It's like calling a woman a "bastard"--technically it may be correct, but as an insult it's reserved for males. Regarding the surprise ending, I actually saw that coming and expected that (I guess it's from watching too many "Twilight Zone" tales--such twists are common nowadays). I don't know if any of my suggestions are helpful, but they're certainly not meant to disparage your latest effort. Keep filming, and I'll keep coming back for more.»
«Nice work Jake, you're definitely improving judging by your most recent movies. I liked the camerawork - simple and effective. The character designs were excellent too. Westerns aren't easy to do in MS but you did a great job. Loved the VOs too, very nice touch with Ben's muffled voice.
One thing about Ben's VOs though was that I could only actually make out every second word lol... although maybe that was the point. Also, the ending just kinda came out of nowhere lol and came of as more comedic than shocking
Overall, a decent short movie with lots of nice touches and shows real promise
**** - 4 stars»
Interesting. I enjoyed this, and while I have some issues with it, I'll begin with the pro's. The performances in the film were well done, albeit a little hard to hear ocasionally.
The editing and directing were well done, overall this was a well made film on a technical level. This film was well written, as well. I do have several complaints, however.
First off, I felt that the music didn't fit, which took away from the drama. Also, I disliked how the film began and reached it's conclusion so abruptly; as it leaves little time for character development.
Finally, some of the dialogue was a little clunky. Ken's final "you killed my wife" sounded very silly, and it made me chuckle, I must confess.
This is not because Ken's not a good VA, I don't think that anybody could have said that line convincingly. I felt that several of his lines were stilted, and Ben mumbled quite a bit, seemingly as the result of his character having the cigarette in his mouth.
Despite some complaints, this was a well made and interesting film well worth a look. Good work and I hope to see more from you soon.»
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